Life After Office Drama
What I learned from staying away from the office gossip and drama as well as the amazing fundamental change in my life
Every office has politics, it doesn’t matter where you work. Even the most placid work environment has it’s skeletons. There is always a coworker that causes the drama, likes the drama, inserts themselves in the drama and spreads the gossip. These are only the basic types of employees when it comes to office drama and gossip, there are many subdivisions of which I am sure we have all experienced.
I was such a people pleaser and wanted everyone to like me when I started a new job and as my personality was very bubbly and goofy, I usually hooked people in with my silly antics. I got along with pretty much everyone and most importantly, I was neutral, but once I established tenure, ‘more than just a coworker’ friendships and everyone became comfortable with me and I, them, the true colors came out… Of everyone and myself included. I was always in the position of hearing the gossip and also knowing who the gossip was about which was a precarious situation to be in. However, I thrived in being privy to the gossip and the drama and feeling as if I was liked enough for people to share this information. I never started it, finished it or inserted myself, but it was my own people pleasing insecurities that worked against me.
Not all of my work environments were this way: heavy in drama and coworkers divided, but my insecurities still haunted me. Prolonged drama never has a good ending whether you are in it, heard about it or were friends with someone in it, so as I aged, I became more concerned about what a work environment was like before or as I started a new job. The environment became extremely important to me to the point where I would ask the interviewer to describe it or ask new coworkers (after we became a tad comfortable of course). Closed mouths don’t get fed was always the voice in my head when starting a new job and the craving to know what environment I was getting into was unbearable, so in my asking, I was always fortunate enough to receive an honest answer. Interviewers or bosses would tell me which department was clique-y and how some employees’ personalities were. New coworkers would warn me of who to stay away from, who the gossiper was and who the kiss ass was, the list can go on and on with regard to types of employees.
I was thankful for the honest answers and I would still fall right back into the same trap… Wanting people to like me and not wanting to pick sides. I’ve discovered that there are many Type A personalities in the workplace that goes beyond the Team Lead or Supervisor; even the lowest of the food chain can have a Type A personality where they are aggressive and want to become the Rachel McAdams character, Regina George, in Mean Girls. Whatever Regina says, goes. ‘We must wear pink on Wednesdays’, ‘we are not to talk to Cady ever again’. This grows very tiresome and exhausting very fast, especially for a people pleaser who wants everyone to like them.
Downside & Backfire
Although it felt nice to be included and ‘in the know’ of the gossip, it was easily becoming morally compromising. We’ve all experienced rivalries go too far and the gossip going around escalates to crossing a line. Many personal things come out that the entire office likely didn’t want to know and it becomes pretty disgusting if the drama is taken to that place. You also get to see your coworkers’ true colors and what lengths they will go to in order to take another person down or retaliate or just plain old can’t hold water to save their life. I would also see the true colors of myself and the lengths I would go to for people to keep liking me. If I heard something, I would run and share with my closest coworkers, like a younger Wendy Williams. I wondered, ‘why am I so interested in hearing the latest gossip? What is the benefit?’ So as I became older and more mature, I realized that there was no benefit.
Time heals everything. It’s mostly known for healing grief and heartache but time also heals insecurities and negative personality traits, especially if you are willing to do the work. The next job I went to, I suddenly noticed a difference in myself at the workplace. I also noticed a difference in how I felt overall while at work.
I was no longer concerned with people liking me or being connected with the right people or being aware of the gossip. Life has been much more peaceful, I must say. Many people say “I don’t care what other people think or say about me” however there is a difference between saying it and feeling it, and boy do I feel it now. It’s best not to get involved or want to get involved in the office politics, that’s also not what employees are there for. I became content and accepted that I’m at work as a employee for a job, to earn a paycheck and do whatever my heart desires outside of work with the funds to be able to do so. It’s a small percentage of coworkers that turn out to become good friends outside of work and it not backfiring on you later on in your tenure at a job. Walking into a new work place and accepting that you’re not there to make friends, although making friends and being social are great things, but it’s a soothing feeling knowing that I can walk through an office without worrying about if someone likes me or not. Also, not worrying about being involved in anything or a situation backfiring. Accepting and feeling this has been life changing, it became a benefit to my personality, an insecurity of mine and also work life balance. Not taking work home with you or outside of the office bring about a peaceful life and outlook on yourself, so stay out of the office drama and gossip and the peace that flourishes through your life will be eminent.
