The Quarter Midlife Crisis
Ever felt that your life was over by 30 if you made a mistake? Here’s why and some ways to overcome it
It doesn’t matter your age, we’ve all heard our relatives, colleagues and strangers tell us that our 20’s are about finding ourselves and living life. What most of us weren’t aware of was that it’s probably the most stressful times in our lives. Yes, you get to know yourself better and yes, you are definitely living life to the fullest. The dump truck that hits you out of nowhere comes around the age of 25, what I like to call the Quarter Midlife Crisis.
Life crises manifest when either the individual feels as if their life is inadequate and unfulfilling or if the individual is doing what they want in life however it doesn’t meet up to society’s standards. Mid to late 20’s can feel like such a crucial time while in the moment, questions and comments arise in our minds such as “Will I be married before 30?”, “I need to have kids soon before my eggs dry out!”, “Should I look into owning property at this age?”… such an abundance of worry and doubt enter our minds and we question ourselves in every move we make. The subconscious thoughts of trying to meet society’s standards or not obtaining our own standards can flood the brain throughout our 20’s and it feels as though life is not slowing down for us to make the right decisions and achieve what is desired.
There are plenty of soothing and comforting words given by elders such as ‘everyone has their own path’ and ‘follow your heart’, which is great until a single and childless 28 year old is pressured to get married and start a family or a 22 year old recent graduate hates their job that is within their field of study. There will be decisions to make throughout a lifespan however the average person in their 20’s feels as if one decision made will determine their entire future. In the midst of the Quarter Midlife Crisis, it’s also common to impatiently wait for your 30th birthday and pray that your life will be in tact and worries will diminish in your 30’s. Baby Boomers were from a different era and were married with children by 25 years old, the pressures were completely different. This generation has been allotted more opportunities that weren’t offered before such as college education, more networking and social media… there are many more directions to choose from and it can be very difficult to worry that one direction can alter your life differently than another direction.
Personally, I have always had the desire to move to another state and experience more than the one state where I grew up in mid-west. I left my affordable townhouse at 26 years old and moved to a 647 square foot 1 bedroom apartment on the East coast that was double the price of my townhouse. Of course I was nervous but I was more optimistic about my new life in a new state, however I didn’t take account of the financial strain it would be compared to where I came from. Rent and utilities alone were my entire paycheck and although my payments were never late on the necessities, there was barely enough money left over each month for car repairs and groceries just to name a few. I enjoyed my life in my new area that I called home but financially, it was not the smartest decision. When I realized that my friends there were still living with their parents and there were multiple generations living in a 2 bedroom apartment, the epiphany was not lost upon me. I was by myself handling everything on my own while everyone else is married or living with family or roommates to maintain a normal working class life. I left my family and didn’t have a husband or roommate, it seemed as though everyone else had a safety net and I left my safety net back in the mid-west, so I moved back at 28 years old.
I was so happy with my life on the East coast however it was a huge shock coming back; so there I was, a 28 year old unmarried woman, feeling as though I had made a huge mistake and that I went backwards to where I left off when I initially left. I felt pressure to make the right decisions going forward concerning career, location and significant others, just to name a few once again. I assumed people have to get their life together by 30 years old and it is very true that a 30 year old won’t get many passes for mistakes as a 23 year old would, however I learned that practicality coupled with following your dreams are okay as being factors in a person’s 20’s. It is about finding yourself and figuring out what you want out of life, but if you don’t go after things and risk asking “what if?” in the future, resentment can easily settle in once you enter your 30’s. Those opportunities that were desired throughout your 20’s can still be present to take advantage of in your 30’s but as we get older we become more mature and next thing you know, you have obligations such as children or marriage that can prolong executing your desires.
As we’ve all experienced our 20’s and some are still experiencing, I would advise that it is easier to pursue one’s curiosity in the event of the Quarter Midlife Crisis. If it is important to you and you feel the urge to take a risk, take it! Continue to be practical but remember that mistakes are okay and it is completely understandable to make them throughout your 20’s, also, it is easier to bounce back if the mistake goes awry as opposed to your 30’s or 40’s. Go after whatever it is that you desire and worry less about if it’s the correct direction to go in but more about the destination, the decisions you make don’t have to become a damaging outcome at all, so keep that in mind as well. Some of the worst feelings experienced as you get older are the feelings of resentment and wonder. Make sure that you are prepared whether financially or emotionally for the endeavor embarked upon but don’t feed into the pressures and know that if the decision you made didn’t turn out in your favor, life isn’t over. You can breathe, start over again and become confident in knowing that you lived your life the way that you desired without losing your way in others’ opinions of how your life should be.
